See No Evil

Let me tell you the story of Maggie:
 
Maggie was a sweet young teenager, reasonably well liked, friendly and resourceful. But, Maggie did not get asked to the prom. So being an inventive and sprightly young lady, she called her friends and suggested that they all go to the prom in a group, go out to eat together, go to the dance together and make it an evening together. Her friends agreed.
 
So with great excitement, Maggie and her mom went shopping for a dress and all the accouterments. After much searching they found just the right outfit and all the right accessories. About a week before the prom one of her girlfriends called to say that the group had decided to go to a different restaurant before the dance, and asked if Maggie would make the reservations, which she did.
 
On the night of the prom Maggie looked radiant and her parents oohed and aahed as Maggie came down the stairs and left for the restaurant, where she sat alone for the next hour. Nobody showed up. As she walked into the parking lot, dejected, her friends drove by hanging out the car windows laughing and shouting, "Have fun at the dance!" Maggie drove home humiliated and emotionally scarred.
 
 
There are two kinds of evil: Some of Maggie's so called friends, out of their own insecurities and need to prop themselves up at Maggie's expense, meant to do harm; theirs was the sin of commission, my first definition of evil. Others, out of their own insecurities and fears of similar humiliation, remained silent; they went along; theirs was the sin of omission, the second definition of evil.
 
It is insecurity and fear which lead us into both kinds of evil.
 
Of course, there are also degrees of evil, ranging from genocide, terrorism and war, to racism and bigotry, to ridicule and humiliation, to silence and indifference in the face of pain. All have their seeds in personal insecurity; they are cultivated and grow strong in an atmosphere of dread, shame, intimidation, powerlessness and hopelessness. Violence is born in the gardens of despair and self doubt.
 
Just this week a boy was caught with a semi-automatic weapon in a DC Middle School; his father is defending him, by saying that his son has been plagued and repeatedly humiliated by bullies. A similar complaint was raised by the youths who devastated Columbine High School a few years back.
 
Where does the evil start? With the child with the gun? With the bullies? What kinds of insecurities motivate the bullies? Gangs are formed by those who are so unsure of themselves and their own self worth, those who feel so unworthy that they must run in packs to feel secure. In order to feel worthy, they must prove their importance by the violent things they do, and they must never lose face in front of their gang members. In many ways the perpetrators of genocide and the aggressors of war are merely bullies and gangs writ large.
 
 
One of our most recent icons of evil has been Lynndie England. The soldier whose photos leading prisoners in Abu Ghraib by a leash and posing suggestively by their naked, hooded bodies. An article printed in The Washington Post about 2 weeks ago described Lynndie as 8 months pregnant by her boyfriend and fellow prison guard, Cpl. Charles Graner
Jr. She is described by the military as a soldier out of control, slipping off to be with her boyfriend so often that she was ordered not to leave her desk unescorted. There are "indecent pictures" of her and Graner and of just Lynndie. The snippets of testimony reported in the article describe Graner as in charge appearing to enjoy the brutality and Lynndie going along, laughing at the humiliated prisoners.
 
Suddenly, reading this article, I got an insight into what was going on. Lynndie England, is a poor girl from West Virginia, barely 20. Already hindered by the stereotype of a trailer park mountain girl. She is thrown into unthinkable conditions: hot beyond belief, surrounded by gunfire everyday, uncertain and scared to death. Her world is out of control, she lives in fear, and she has a boyfriend whose attentions offer her an identity, whose presence offers a sense of security, whose approval offers her status. And Graner is a former US prison guard where brutal behavior is not unheard of. He is an authority about how it is done. Lynndie would do anything for this guy, whether she knew better or not. In this setting he has become her anchor; he has filled in the gaps in her own sense of self.
 
The first step into evil is insecurity and the next is fear, and the next is powerlessness/feeling out of control and the last is a sense of shame at not being able to live up to ones own ideal of oneself.
 
So, what is the source of my insight? In a way I've been there. I've mentioned in the past that my first husband was an emotional abuser, and that I, having grown up wearing braces on my legs, bruising and bleeding at inconvenient times, somehow felt that I was not quite whole and that I probably deserved his abuse. Over time the more abusive he was the more I believed it. One day Michael decided that he needed a typewriter, and so we drove to his school where he unlocked the door, took a brand new IBM Selectric off the desk, stuffed it in some trash bags and walked out with it. I held the door, I drove the get-away car, and I never, ever told a soul; not until I told Dennis the other night as we spoke of the slippery slope into evil.(and it seems like a n incredible risk to tell you now) 30 some years later it still haunts me. Was that a sin of commission or of omission? If we had been caught I would have at least been an accessory. I've often wondered what would have happened to me if we had been caught. As a white middle class woman who had never sneezed in the wrong direction before, probable not much. Had we been Latino or African American it would have been a different story. It was another year and a half before I could get out of that marriage and even then it is a good question which came first, whether he left me or I asked him to leave.
 
I once had a conversation with a very close friend, now departed, who told me of being forced to seek an illegal abortion. She was quite young and the family had tried to get permission from the court for a legal procedure but it was denied. When we spoke about how she had gotten pregnant in the first place she said, "Women can do strange things when a man's ego is stronger than hers."
 
And that is what I believe happened to Lynndie England.
 
But, I don't think that statement applies only to women. I have never met anyone, man or woman, who did not harbor some seed of insecurity, some little suggestion that if anyone knew us, really knew us, in our deepest heart of hearts, we would come up wanting, not good enough, not smart enough, not brave enough, not able enough, not diligent enough, somehow not quite worthy. It is this self doubt that leads us into temptation.
 
It takes an emotionally strong person with a strong moral compass to be a whistle blower. It takes an emotionally strong person with a strong moral compass to consistently place human values above market values in this society. It takes an emotionally strong person with a strong moral compass to risk, career, or lifestyle, or the acceptance of friends to point out the elephant on the table which everyone else has agreed not to see.
 
It takes a long time to develop that strength. Unfortunately, we develop that strength through trial and error and by making mistakes. It is a process of coming to know ourselves, our strengths and our weakness. It is the process of looking inward and acknowledging who we are, which allows us to show compassion to others who are not perfect, rather than casting blame and projecting our own failings onto them. It is a process which requires forgiveness of ourselves as well as others.
 
The process of strengthening our moral character and determining our moral compass requires that we be vulnerable, risking ridicule and rejection in order to let down our shields and invite others in with integrity an authenticity. And it is in that meeting that we learn that no matter what our foibles or mistakes, we are also good and have the capacity to heal ourselves and others. We learn in that moment that all of us are mixtures of good and evil and that what we do to others we do to ourselves.
 
As Scott read earlier, quoting Henri Nouwen:
"As soon as we feel at home in our own house, discover the dark corners as well as the light spots, the closed doors as well as the drafty rooms, our confusion will evaporate, our anxiety will diminish, and we will become capable of creative work."
 
Perhaps the first part of our creative work, then, is to seek forgiveness. Forgiveness for ourselves, for each other, and for the stranger, so that we may move forward in peace and with kindness.
 
If you are comfortable doing so I ask you to join with me in this ritual phrase as I read with you a Litany of Atonement # 637 in your hymnals.
 
We forgive ourselves and each other; as we begin again in love.
 
For remaining silent when a single voice would have made a difference.
 
We forgive ourselves and each other; as we begin again in love.
 
For each time our fears have made us rigid and inaccessible
 
We forgive ourselves and each other; as we begin again in love.
 
For each time we have struck out in anger without just cause
 
We forgive ourselves and each other; as we begin again in love.
 
For each time our greed has blinded us to the needs of others
 
We forgive ourselves and each other; as we begin again in love.
 
For the selfishness which sets us apart and alone.
 
We forgive ourselves and each other; as we begin again in love.
 
For falling short of admonitions of the spirit
We forgive ourselves and each other; as we begin again in love.
 
For losing sight of our unity
 
We forgive ourselves and each other; as we begin again in love.
 
For those and for do many acts both evident and subtle which have fueled the illusion of separateness
We forgive ourselves and each other; as we begin again in love.
 
Amen